For most of my advertising career, I was striving for work-life balance... fewer hours at my laptop, more evenings free, more weekends off, more time away from work. This was my goal.

But when I got all of that and finally got the work-life balance I was pushing for, I still felt drained. And that's when I realized that balance is a more complicated concept than we make it out to be.

Because for most of us, we not only have work at our jobs but also in other parts of our life. There's work at home. Work in our relationships. Work caring for children, parents, partners and friends. Work managing households, appointments, finances and the countless details that keep life running.

And for many women, there's an unspoken expectation that they'll carry a disproportionate share of that load, even while leading teams, departments and organizations.

When people talk about work-life balance, what they're often really describing is how responsibilities are distributed across different parts of their lives.

But with this model, there's an important question that's not being considered:

Where do YOU fit into that equation?

Because when responsibilities continue to expand, one thing often gets neglected. You.

And when that happens for long enough, the consequences start to show. Your energy declines. Your patience gets shorter. Your health starts to suffer. You find yourself rushing from one commitment to the next, always thinking about what's next instead of being fully present where you are.

You may still be performing well. In fact, many high-achievers continue to excel for years while running on empty. But would you be more present in conversations or more thoughtful in your decisions or more patient with the people around you if you weren't always running on empty?

That's why I stopped thinking about balance as simply work versus life. Instead, I think about and protect two different forms of balance...

Balance #1: Self-Others

The first is the balance between supporting yourself and supporting everyone else.

Most of the women I work with are exceptionally good at taking care of others. They're dependable, capable and generous. Their teams rely on them. Their families rely on them. Their friends rely on them.

Over time, helping others becomes part of their identity. The challenge is that many of them have spent so long meeting everyone else's needs that they've lost sight of their own. But as the wise Maya Angelou once said:

"As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others."

Many women have been using both hands to help everyone else for years. What I learned over time is that it's not about choosing yourself instead of others, but learning how to support both equally.

Because when you're depleted, everyone feels the impact. Your energy affects your leadership. Your wellbeing affects your relationships. Your health affects your ability to contribute in meaningful ways.

Taking care of yourself isn't selfish. It's what allows you to bring your best self to the people and responsibilities that matter most.

Balance #2: Give-Get

The second form of balance is one that receives far less attention. It's the balance between what you give and what you get in return.

Every role asks us to give something: Time, energy, attention, expertise, emotional labor.

The question is whether you're receiving enough back to make that exchange sustainable. And I'm not just talking about salary. I'm talking about things like growth, learning, challenge, meaning, connection, fulfillment.

Early in my advertising career, the balance felt healthy. The work demanded a lot from me, but it gave a lot back too. I was learning constantly, building new relationships, having experiences I'd never had before, and stretching my capabilities in ways that felt exciting and energizing.

But as I became more senior, something started to shift. The work was still demanding, but it stopped giving me the same things in return. I wasn't learning as much, the experiences began to repeat themselves, and the work that once felt exciting, started to feel routine.

Nothing was noticeably wrong, but something was missing.

This is a conversation I have with clients all the time. They want their work to matter. They want to feel challenged again. They want to be excited about what they're building.

When the gap between what you're giving and what you're getting becomes too large, burnout often isn't far behind.

Beyond Work-Life Balance

For me, work-life balance isn't the goal anymore. It's creating a life where I support myself as much as I support everyone else. Where what I give is matched by what I receive. Where success no longer comes at the expense of my wellbeing.

I no longer measure balance by how many hours I work. I measure it by whether the life I'm building gives me the energy to keep building it.

If you've been feeling exhausted, overwhelmed or disconnected lately, don't just ask yourself whether you have enough work-life balance.

Ask yourself:

• Am I supporting myself as much as I support everyone else?

• Am I getting enough back for everything I'm giving?

The answers to those two questions are often the first step toward understanding what's really driving your exhaustion and what needs to change.

And if you'd like to explore that further, you can access my free Clarity Guide HERE.